Photo credit: Mary Stanford
I would like to start with a little background. Can you tell us a bit about yourself, including your education?
My name is Mary Stanford. I grew up the third of the nine children in a suburb of Chicago. My mom, Dorothy Amorella, started using Our Lady of Victory when I was in 5th grade and went on to homeschool us for the next 25 years. My time using OLVS prepared me to make an easy transition to the Willows Academy, a strong Catholic prep school for girls, where I graduated valedictorian of the class of 1993. I majored in philosophy at the University of Dallas, where I also graduated first in my class. I distinctly recall answering a question in a college history class that I learned from my 5th grade text at OLVS! I went on to pursue a Master of Theological Studies degree from the Pontifical John Paul II Institute for Studies on Marriage and Family in Washington, DC, where I met and married Trey, who was completing his doctorate in English Literature at the Catholic University of America. Within a year of being married, Trey was hired to teach at Christendom College in beautiful Front Royal, Virginia, where we have lived for the past 18 years. In my “spare” time, I teach the occasional theology course at the college and serve as an educational speaker for our diocese. It has been a great privilege to raise and homeschool our seven children in the foothills of the Blue Ridge and just a few blocks away from the Shenandoah River.
How many children are you teaching and what are their grade levels?
At the moment, I am teaching my sons Jimmy and Jack, in 7th and 4th grades, respectively, and my daughter Caroline in 1st grade. Our youngest, Bertie, 4, is desperate to begin! My teenage children homeschooled with me until entering a local, private Catholic academy for high school, for which they were excellently prepared. Our eldest is now a freshman at Christendom. It seems so hard to believe!
Did your children attend any other schools prior to OLVS? What was lacking in other schools that you wanted to ensure was provided in a new school?
I knew from the start that I wanted to homeschool using OLVS (and began Kindergarten lessons with my oldest 14 years ago). My experience with my own mom was so positive. I had witnessed first-hand the way in which it was possible to homeschool a big family. It was not glamorous, but it was fun, and it brought us closer as a family. OLVS has great textbooks and is very orderly—laid out in a way that a busy mom can figure out what she needs to accomplish in a given day. It is flexible, so you can do some work orally if necessary and trim down assignments if your child is overwhelmed. I think there can be a lot of wasted time in classrooms. When you have only one child in a grade, you can move at his speed and “move along.” The deepest reason for our decision to homeschool was to have the ability to instruct our children in the Catholic faith and to foster a culture in our home that would help prepare them to enter an at-times hostile culture without forgetting who they are in the eyes of God.
In our November issue, Ruth Sestak shared that she was initially overwhelmed at the thought of homeschooling her children. Did you ever envision yourself as a homeschool parent?
Again, I did see it as possible but only because my mom’s example and my own experience as a student gave me a concrete picture of what it could look like. For us it means making the most of the advantages of being at home and not having to load everyone (including the baby!) into a car, fed and dressed and ready for school, at an early hour every day. Instead, we sleep a little later (for years, that meant whatever the current baby and his sleeping or nursing lifestyle dictated!), we enjoy a hot lunch, and yes, sometimes we work in our jammies. I publicly admit this because I want others to know that an 11-year old curled up in his pj’s with some hot cocoa while poring over his history text is a beautiful thing, and I refuse to interfere with it. It is easy to focus on the challenges and sacrifices of homeschooling but lose sight of the ways in which it can simplify family life.
Please share a typical school day with us!
Currently, we aim to start at 9 am (though most mornings, my eager sons are already at work, trying to “knock out” some independent work, and I do not stop them). We officially start with a Morning Offering and a sung Hail Mary or Our Father in Latin (I find kids learn Latin prayers much easier in song!) and the Pledge of Allegiance. Then, when I am fully caffeinated, I work in order of youngest to oldest. After making sure my older ones are at work on some independent assignments, I work with the youngest. We get situated on the couch and begin (and for the first 12 years this always included a nursing baby on my lap).
Whoever is learning to read and write is my “critical case,” and his or her attention span is always the shortest! K-2nd grade involves a lot of one-on-one, and the couch works for most of it until you need to move to the table to practice writing. I try to keep things minimal for my youngest ones. The key for me is regularity—but short sessions. When they are done with the basics, they get to play—and then on to one-on-one work with the next child. This method has worked pretty well, though occasionally there is a gap. If someone is waiting for me and cannot work on anything else, I usually urge them to go get a snack or play with the baby!
Sometimes my older students will decide they want to “get ahead” on their lesson plans, and I encourage them. Perhaps they want to earn a day off, or the chance to take advantage of a snow day, and that challenge gives them a motivation. Sometimes their greatest motivation to work hard is to simply to “get outside” or have more time to play with Legos! I don’t mind because they feel so accomplished after their lessons that I seldom hear the words, “I’m bored.” They are just so happy to have some of their “own” time.
What is your favorite subject to teach your children?
That is a hard one—I really enjoy it all. I love the Saxon Math and the Lepanto Grammar; I find them logical and easy to present. The Little Angel Reader stories are always surprisingly sweet. The history books are always so much fun for me as we all learn “together” so many things I once knew! Probably my favorite is teaching them the Faith. I am known for extending short lessons into long lecture sessions—I just can’t stop myself. My kids tease me but admit that they enjoy our long talks too.
Is your family involved in any co-ops or extracurricular activities?
I try to keep commitments at a minimum, but with a lot of kids, things add up quickly. We participate in our parish children’s choir, a local homeschool sports co-op, and Irish dancing. Happily, those activities are in the after-school hours, so they do not compete with school time. The only activity during school hours that I have consistently made time for over the years is the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd. It is a Montessori-style program which provides a nice complement to the OLVS materials. I found that in the early years (K-2), I could easily complete OLVS work in four days so that there was a morning free for this program. My youngest ones always loved this change of pace—and their teachers have always noted how well-catechized they were thanks to OLVS!
How do you respond to the negative stereotypes people have with regards to homeschooling? Do you think those claims are valid?
My children are the best response: they are polite and capable of conversing with others, young and old. Because they are not confined all day to a same-age peer group, they are comfortable spending time with others of all age groups. The family is God’s plan for the socialization of the young; they spend time with elder siblings who set an example and help them, and they are always given the opportunity to help and guide (and give way to!) the littler ones. I do realize that someday I’ll only have one child left and will have to make more efforts to seek friendship opportunities for him, but nothing can replace the gift he’s receiving now of having his older siblings present in our home and attentive to him! In today’s culture, families need to make more of an effort than ever before to develop an atmosphere whose effects “outweigh” the influence of the larger secular culture. More family time and stronger family bonds now are what will give my kids the inner confidence eventually to go out among those who do not share their beliefs.
Furthermore, I think that homeschooled kids develop a genuine ability to work independently and seem quite confident in tackling new assignments. They rely very much on books and so come to be attentive readers; they are not passively waiting upon me to lecture them all day and spoon feed them but are actively engaging their books and trying to learn from what they’ve read. Today’s society often depicts homeschoolers as awkward and geeky; mine are independent and confident. Since my older ones entered their high school, they have taken incredible responsibility for their studies and rarely ask me for help! Mostly I’m relieved, but I do miss helping them, I confess.
What makes you most proud of your children and encourages you to continue in your homeschooling adventure?
I love it when my older kids look back fondly on an old text and tell their sibling, “This year you get to read x!” It helps keep enthusiasm going for the younger ones when it doesn’t always have to come from me! After my oldest child’s first day at her new private high school, she said, “Mom, I love it here. But I am SO happy that I’ve been homeschooled until now.” I was never quite sure what she meant; I suppose perhaps it meant that she felt ready, and she felt prepared to take on this new challenge because of what we have done together the previous nine years. We built a foundation—of love, discipline, and laughter. In recent years, my middle children have begun putting together a hilarious ceremony of speeches, song parodies, and confetti to celebrate the end-of-school. They always make me a big thank-you note, even while jokingly cutting to shreds a notebook of a least favorite subject. I look forward to it every June!
The struggles of homeschooling are worth it when…
Your children joyfully embrace their faith.
Do you have a favorite devotion that gives you strength throughout the school day?
We always ask Our Lady of Victory’s intercession—and she gives us strength, even on days when things don’t run as smoothly.
What is the best advice you received about homeschooling?
My mom used the phrase “Sometimes you just have to win ugly.” She always taught me not to sweat the small things—homeschooling is a big commitment. Laundry, cleaning, and cooking—while important—still have to take second place, and that’s tough! I could not do what I do without my husband’s encouragement and support. He has never complained about the state of our house; he has always done laundry and dishes without being asked. He has always praised me for my work with our kids and looked for concrete ways to support our efforts. I simply could not do what I do without the physical and emotional support he provides. It cannot be “all on you”; it’s a team effort! Together, we have to manage our expectations. (I don’t know anyone who homeschools and looks like June Cleaver—at least on weekdays!)
Finally, what words of wisdom would you like to share with other homeschool parents?
Consistency is key, and comparisons are odious. I’ve seen people give up on homeschooling because they never “settled in”—they never stopped comparing programs and became overwhelmed with self-doubt. They joined every co-op, took on too much, and then switched programs every other year. Pick a program and stick with it; give yourself time and develop a little discipline. The dividends will come!
Christina: Thank you so much, Mary! Your approach to educating your children is so practical and refreshing. As a side note, I remember meeting your older children at the IHM Conference over three years ago, and they made quite an impression on me! They came right to the OLV table and introduced themselves and were just delightful! God bless you and your family!